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Study No. 3 TO THE GLORY OF GOD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE CHRISTIAN WIFE
COUNT TO TEN, AGAIN.
At her Golden Wedding Celebration, my grandmother told guests the
secret of her happy marriage:
"On my wedding day, I decided to make a list of ten of my husband's
faults which for the sake of our marriage, I would overlook.
As the guests were leaving, a young matron whose marriage had recently
been in difficulties asked my grandmother what some of the faults were
that she had seen fit to overlook?
Grandmother said, "To tell you the truth, my dear, I never did get
around to listing them. But whenever my husband did something that
made me hopping mad, I would say to myself, 'lucky for him that's one
of the ten!" Shelley Basset. National Enquirer.
God gives instructions to His Church -
1 Corinthians 1:10
"Now I exhort you, brethren, by the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
that you all agree, and there be no divisions among you, but you be
made complete in the same mind and in the same judgement."
...the only way this is possible is by all coming together and
agreeing with God's Word.
What is the dividing point that determines the work of God or the work
of satan through a woman's life?
1. Her personal relationship with Christ.
2. (Equally important), Her obedience to all the written Word of God.
(The same criteria decides who is doing the work through a man's
life.)
God gives instructions to the individual families in His Church -
Ephesians 5:22-64
"Wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord."
The Greek word "subject" is "hupatasso". It's primarily a military
term meaning "to place in right order", indicating the arrangement of
troops for moving into battle. When a wife becomes voluntarily
subject to her husband, she moves into the proper place of spiritual
warfare for defeating the devil.
The underlying principle of subjection is obedience. However,
submission is an attitude of love that wants to obey.
Ephesians 5:22 through 24 shatters the women's liberation idea that
Ephesians 5:21, "And be subject to one another in the fear of the
Lord", says that husbands and wives are to obey each other. Ephesians
5:21 is actually the heading for these three categories of submission
that follow:
1. Ephesians 5:22-24 -- wives be subject to husbands (followed by
Ephesians 5:25-33, which goes on to tell the husbands that they
must love their wives as well as lead them.)
2. Ephesians 6:1-3 -- children are to obey their parents (Ephesians
6:4 goes to tell fathers that they must love their children and
train them up in the Lord as well as discipline them.)
3. Ephesians 6:5-8 -- slaves be subject to their masters. (The Bible
cleverly abolishes slavery and prejudice by getting at the roots
of both, as in Ephesians 6:9, which teaches that slave owners were
to treat slaves with "agape" love, choosing to do the highest good
for them.)
No Christian would suggest that parents should be subject to their
children! And husbands are not meant to be subject to their wives,
either -- but cherish, provide for and protect them.
Ephesians 5:23
"For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head
of the church, He Himself being the Saviour of the body."
Obviously, the head and the body need to work together -- otherwise
there is paralysis. Paralysis in a marriage destroys a marriage.
Ephesians 5:24
"But as the Church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to
be to their husbands in everything."
(NOTE: the Greek word "everything" means "everything!") However, all
of life can actually be fitted under one of the following three
categories:
1. SPIRITUALLY -- submitted to her husband and obedient in all things
in the Lord -- Ephesians 5:22-24, 1 Peter 3:1-6.
2. MENTALLY -- encouraging to her husband -- Ephesians 5:33 (Amplified
Bible).
3. PHYSICALLY -- (with an important vice-versa). The husband's body
belongs to the wife, and the wife's body belongs to her husband --
1 Corinthians 7:2-5.
SPIRITUALLY. 1 Peter 3:1-2 (we'll go through verses 3 through 6
later in this chapter):
"In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, so
that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they may be
won without a word by the behaviour of their wives, as they observe
your chaste and respectful behaviour."
(NOTE: the word "conversation" in the King James version of 1 Peter
3:1 means "behaviour", it has nothing to do with talking, except as
talking is part of good behaviour.)
The point is, as Colossians 3:17a reads:
"And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord
Jesus..."
(...when you do something in the name of Jesus, you do it as if He
were doing it. Jesus never "preached at" people, He lived the life of
example and won people by His love.)
Notice that 1 Peter 3:1-2 is talking about a rascal! It's talking
about a man who isn't obeying the Word of God. Either:
1. An unsaved husband.
2. A rebellious Christian husband.
3. A Christian husband who, at some point, refuses to obey the Word of
God.
Wives will change them "without a word to them..."
When a wife tells God instead of tongue-lashing her husband, she's
going to see her husband changed. Why? 1 Corinthians 11:3 -
"But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man,
and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ."
Notice: "The head of every man is Christ..." Many wives fail to
acknowledge Jesus as the head of their husbands or trust Jesus to
direct their husbands. They try to do it themselves. But if a wife
becomes "head" to her husband and starts to direct him, it will turn
him away from hearing God's voice in his spirit.
It would be correct to say that the husband is the head of the wife
and the wife is the neck of the husband, because the neck can turn the
head! 1 Kings 19:28; Isaiah 37:29 and Ezekiel 29:4 and 38:4 show that
God can put hooks in the leaders and turn them to the left or to the
right. In marriage that's done in response to a wife who prays.
Proverbs 21:1
"The King's heart is like the channels of the Lord; He turns it
wherever He wishes."
But, if a wife wants to see that happen, it has to be done "without a
word to him." Pray! (and always, when praying for a change in your
husband, add "and Lord change me where I need changing, too." Be very
open to that.)
The result of unsubmitted wives:
1. Unhappy marriages that are out of order (1 Corinthians 11:3). In
fact, the practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out
when men found that the girls could give orders better from that
position!!!
2. Teenage brats! Sassy and insolent to their parents and all other
adults. God links these two, the foolish son and the contentious
wife in Proverbs 19:13.
3. Divorce is rampant among families where the wife is unsubmitted.
MENTALLY. Ephesians 5:33 (Amplified Bible)
"However, let each of you (without exception) love his wife as
(being in a sense) his very own self; and let the wife see that she
respects and reverences her husband, that she notices him, regards
him, honours him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him: and that
she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him
exceedingly."
Wife -- is that the picture in your marriage?
Why should a wife submit? Why should she constantly seek only to
build her husband up? Ephesians 5:28 -
"So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his own wife loves himself."
(NOTE: the opposite is also true - if a man doesn't love himself, he
will not love his own wife!) Ephesians 5:33a:
"Nevertheless, let each individual among you also love his own wife
even as himself."
As marriage teacher June Nichols says, "A man will love his own wife
only in direct proportion to how much he loves himself." She's right!
Man has a fantastic ego! Because it's so big, it's easily bruised.
The wife who keeps bruising her husband's feelings about himself by
telling her husband all of his faults, makes him feel unlovable. Any
husband feeling badly about himself cannot love his wife at the very
same time.
Does your husband really know you need him? Or does he feel that you
could get along just as well without him? Unless he feels you need
him, he will not recognize his own worth, will not love himself and
therefore, will not be able to love you.
It's worth repeating -- a man will love his own wife only in
direct proportion to how much he loves himself. Remember -- if he
can't get the feeling of self-worth from your attitude toward him,
he'll look elsewhere for it.
SOME TIPS ON HOW TO MENTALLY PLEASE YOUR HUSBAND:
1. Become "intimately" acquainted with your husband.
You're beginning to know your husband when you know what makes him
glad, what makes him sad and what makes him mad! Be aware and
comfort him when he's tired or sick. Get closer with him when
you sense he's feeling lonely. Soothe him with gentle and
encouraging words when he's angry. Be interested in his work,
his hobbies, his interests, etc. Be his "Encourager".
2. Fit into his plans.
Be your husband's supporter even when he's wrong. Hold your advice
and criticism until he asks for it, if possible. Pray and trust
God to direct him.
3. Know what's "different" about him - minister to his personal
differences.
When you know what makes him happy and gives him pleasure - do it!
Don't criticize him because of his idiosyncrasies - recognize they
are what makes him your unique husband.
4. Constantly be his affectionate wife.
"Sex" and "affection" are not the same. Give him plenty of sex.
But also be affectionate verbally as well as physically. Develop
personal habits and manners to please him. Dress to please him.
If he yells at you about something you do, or don't do, take mental
note of what he's said and work hard to be what he wants.
(Husbands, if you're reading this - DON'T EVER YELL AT HER!!!)
PHYSICALLY. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (Amplified Bible)
1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (Amp.)
"But because of the temptation to impurity and to avoid immorality,
let each (man) have his own wife and let each (woman) have her own
husband."
(NOTE: Sex is not immoral as long as it is between a husband and his
own wife. One purpose of marriage is "to avoid immorality". Heb.13:4
agrees.)
1 Corinthians 7:4
"Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the
wife to her husband."
It's too bad when any married person feels that sexual love is a
"duty" to perform with their mate, but if that's the way either mate
feels, God says, "Nevertheless, Do It!!!"
1 Corinthians 7:4
"The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband
does: and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his
own body, but the wife does."
Nothing could be clearer. Both mates have authority over their
partners body. God places no limits precisely because it is His
desire to give the maximum amount of freedom to married love-making.
1 Corinthians 7:5
"Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, that
you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest
satan tempt you because of your lack of self control."
God invented sex! Sexual love is good for a married couple morning,
noon or right in the middle of the night! Either mate should feel
free to "turn their partner on". God says, in essence, "If you want
to make love with your married mate, go get 'em!"
In Genesis 2:18, we learn two extremely important things:
FIRST, here is God's forever statement about marriage:
"Then the Lord God said,'It is not good for man to be
alone."
SECOND, here is the very purpose God had in mind when He
originated the idea of wives:
"I will make a companion for him, a helper suited to his
needs" (LB)
Genesis 2:19-22
"And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field
and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what
he would call them: and whatever the man called a living creature,
that was its name. And the man gave names to all the cattle, and to
the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam
there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord caused a
deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of
the ribs, and closed up the flesh at the place. And the Lord God
fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and
brought her to the man."
Genesis 2:23 (LB) continues:
"This is it!" Adam exclaimed. "She is part of my own bone and
flesh! Her name is 'woman' because she was taken out of man."
Marriage wasn't man's idea - it was God's idea - just as sex was. Man
didn't say, "I'm lonely." God saw it wasn't good to be alone. A wife
is "bone of her husband's bone." She completes her husband.
Wives supply the tenderness, the femininity, the softness -- all those
things that make men joke about not being able to understand women!
Your husband may not be able to figure you out, but he knows he needs
your contribution, and he's empty away from you. Knowing that you're
especially designed to meet his needs is a wife's first step in being
a good counterpart. Let that knowledge give you confidence in
yourself as a wife. A man needs his wife not for companionship, not
just for sex, but for completion of his entire personality.
One of the definitions for the Hebrew word "helpmate" is "one to face
him". God made a wife for her husband as "one to face him", not as an
accuser. Satan will do that through the world. What does God think
of a wife who is always arguing and picking at her husband?
Proverbs 21:9 (LB)
"It is better to live in the corner of an attic than with a crabby
woman in a lovely home!"
Proverbs 21:19 (LB)
"Better to live in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining
woman!"
The Holy Spirit said these things! Is it any surprise that some
husbands want to stay away from their wives??!!!
Proverbs 15:17 (LB)
"It is better to eat soup with someone you love than steak with
someone you hate!"
Proverbs 12:4 (NASV)
"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames
him is as rottenness in his bones."
God isn't mocking women or trying to discourage wives. He's
attempting to tell you something extremely urgent -- wives who nag,
complain, whine, fight, throw tantrums, etc. are driving their
husbands away from them. God wants it stopped.
In fact, God says, the wife plays the key role in the husband's life.
Again, look at Proverbs 12:4, this time the Living Bible:
"A worthy wife is her husband's joy and crown; the other kind
corrodes his strength and tears down everything he does."
Notice that a wife can be "her husband's joy and crown" -- if he is
the "head", look where he places her. The crown is lifted up and
placed on top of his head! That's how He sees the "worthy wife."
If there is something the wife needs to tell her husband in order to
help the two of them improve their relationship, she should make sure
all three necessary ingredients for communication are all functioning:
1. TIMING. Never present a complaint to the husband within the first
sixty minutes of his arriving home from work.
And don't present it at all if:
- he is under unusual tension or stress;
- he isn't feeling well;
- he has recently been stung by circumstances and events.
Oliver Wendell Holmes once said, "Don't flatter yourself that
friendship authorizes you to say disagreeable things to your
intimates. The nearer you come into relations with a person, the
more necessary does tact and courtesy become. Except in cases of
necessity, which are rare, leave your friend to learn unpleasant
things from his enemies; they are ready enough to tell him!"
2. SETTING. Never present a complaint to the husband with anyone else
present. He won't learn. He'll only defend himself. Even the
children should be out of earshot.
3. MANNER. Never attack the husband verbally. Remember, every attack
means lost ground. There is no such thing as a "little" attack.
Some wives say, "I only said one thing!" That's like telling
Hiroshima, "We only dropped one bomb!" Don't trigger his
defensive mechanisms. Instead, be as warm and loving as possible.
As Dr. James Dobson puts it in his vital book, 'What Wives Wish
Their Husbands Knew About Women', "Let it be known to your husbands
that you are attempting to interpret your needs and desires, not
his inadequacies and shortcomings."
Remember, a wife is told by the Lord to love her husband and not to
say a negative word to him even if he is disobeying God's Word (1
Peter 3:1). So, she violates God's command every time she takes
correction into her own hands. But prayer really does change things.
Pray more for him if he hasn't seen your point yet, but be willing to
leave the final decision to God through your husband. If God,
Himself, doesn't think a change is needed in your husband, who are
you to argue against God? Submit to his higher wisdom -- you might be
wrong. Or God may be doing something else in your husband and saying
Wait for that change.
Ruth Graham, wife of evangelist Dr. Billy Graham, frankly shares that
for two years after she married him she continually tried to persuade
him to take her to China so that they could be missionaries there.
She says, "I told him that I was a missionary doctor. Later I went
to High School in pre-war North Korea, so I knew and loved the
people of the Orient." But she says, "Finally, one day Bill asked me,
'Do you believe God brought us together?'" I said, "Yes!" So he
said, "Then He will lead me and you will do the following." "So, I've
been following ever since!" Think what the world would have missed if
Billy Graham had listened to his wife instead of to the Lord!
There is a prevailing principle throughout the whole Word of God that
is summarized in 1 Corinthians 11:9:
"For indeed man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for
the man's sake."
You'll either see that as a horrible curse or for what it really is --
your liberation! It reveals the purpose of every wife's existence.
A wife isn't called to remake her husband, but so that her husband
through her would be made complete.
It is the humiliation of woman that she was made for man. It is the
glory of the woman that only she can make what he's intended to be.
Dr. Richard Dobbins, the noted Christian psychologist says that when
thousands of men were asked to list the four most important desires
they have for their wives, they answered in this order:
1. A reasonably good housekeeper.
2. A reasonably good cook.
3. An interesting and exciting sex partner.
4. A good mother for their children.
GOD SAYS A WIFE'S MOST EFFECTIVE PLACE FOR MINISTRY IS AT HOME.
Titus 2:3-5
"Older women, likewise, are to be reverent in their behaviour, not
malicious gossips, nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,
that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to
love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind,
being subject to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be
dishonoured."
The University of Michigan's Institute of Social Research recently
conducted a study of 3,000 high school seniors from all over the
United States. The teenagers were asked what they thought about the
role of the father and the idea of employed wives working outside the
home.
85% of the seniors turned thumbs down at any thought of the wife
working full time while the husband stayed home to do the housework,
and 64% of them also rejected the idea of the wife working full time
and the husband only working part time. The study struck a real blow
at the ideals of women's lib, while it agreed much more closely with
Titus 2:3-5.
I read an item somewhere that said Mrs Billy Graham has a sign over
her sink that reads, "Divine services held here three times daily!"
Hallelujah! That should be a sign of our times!
The greatest danger of working outside the home is that the working
wife will lose her love for her family because they will seem "in the
way" due to her becoming independent and/or exhausted.
It's time that the Church fully realized that women's lib and the
Bible are diametrically opposed. The highly publicized Women's
National Conference held in late 1977 in Houston, Texas, (supported by
five million dollars given by the United States Government) drew up
the following resolutions and is still urging our nation to pass them
into law. Here's what women's lib really want:
1. Elimination of all way veterans preferences in employment.(USA)
2. Sex integration for all prisons.
3. Free abortions for all.
4. Federally financed, free 24-hour child care for everyone.
5. Wages for housework paid for by government tax money.
6. Federally funded, lesbian mother's legal defence fund.
7. To teach homosexual sex education in schools without parental
consent.
8. Force all public and private schools (Christian Schools included)
to hire homosexual teachers.
IF YOU'RE NOT FOR THESE THINGS, YOU'RE NOT FOR WOMEN'S LIB!
END of STUDY THREE
